stigma-tism

I was asked the other day, by a 10 year old no less, if I was gay.  Actually it started out as, 'gay means happy and that you like the same gender, right?'  Once I explained that it can mean either then he asked.  I didn't know what to say at first. 

It's not that I have a problem being asked, but I wasn't prepared to be asked by a child.  lol.  It made me stop and consider when he first asked.  And I don't think it should have. I've always told myself that I would be honest with whoever asked and even more so with kids.  I hated when I was a child and asked a question, but was not given the correct answer.  Now I know it's not always the right time to tell the whole truth and I'm aware of the sensitivity of this subject.  So I didn't answer him. 

That's not to say I ignored him, because I think that would have done more damage than anything.  I dug a bit deeper.  I asked why he needed to know and if it would matter if I was or wasn't.  (mind you he's a smart butt most of the time and had just earlier in the day stated that Ellen DeGeneres was a lesbian and that was why she was famous, so I wanted to make sure he was actually serious about this)  Of course he had a smart answer about needing to know everything about a person before he lets them in his house.   That actually made me mad, but I was cool and collected and responded that his mother knew what she thought was important and let me in her house and thought I was ok enough to watch him and his brothers. 

And that was that.  But the whole experience made me think.  I'm not in the closet or ashamed of who I am, however when asked (which isn't too often) about my sexuality I always panic. Not because I'm afraid of how the person asking the question will respond when I say yes, but that its something that is a need to know item.  I sometimes find myself still thinking like a straight person and I always hate myself after the fact.  And I mean that as in the way I carry myself or dodge certain questions or even talk in certain situations.  I've always been pretty comfortable to be myself so in those instances where I'm not that is when I feel ashamed. 

I know this is probably confusing, but it's something that I'm always thinking about because it's right there under the surface.  Thankfully most of my family and friends don't care who I sleep with or am attracted too and I thank God for that because I know not all gay people have that.  And I don't think it should be a description of me.