Miss Jackson

Now don't be nasty...  get it? The title is Miss Jackson and she has a song that says... Never mind.


I need to get a new dryer.  That's the conclusion I've come too in the last week or so.  There's just no other possible answer to the shrinking of my clothes, my pants especially.  I don't care what you're mumbling over there, it's the dryer! The dryer, I say!

Ok... it's not the dryer.  You win.  The reason for the shrinking clothes is Global Warming.  It's complicated, but I've figured it all out in my head. Trust me.


Alright, enough grumbling, I need to exercise, but I'd rather not do it, lol.  I've been walking, however it hasn't been on a regular basis.  I was hoping moving into a house with stairs would do something, but no rapid weight loss.  I don't want to be buff because I don't think I could ever keep that up, but I would like to not have a stomach.  So while walking I've decided to bite the bullet and buy p90x.  I can probably get it half the price they advertise on T.V. and I think if I spend money on something like that that I'll be more inclined to keep up on it.  We'll see.  Who knows when I'll have that kind of money to spend.

I don't want to start being superficial once I get a rockin body, but I'm sure it's gonna do better to attract suitors if I have a shirtless pic on my profiles, lol.  Plus I can take my shirt off at current river and not be embarrassed about it.  I'll update my progress.

Scripture

On Sunday nights our church is doing a bible study in the book of Isaiah.  Now, I'm not sure how many who read this is an avid bible reader.  To be honest I'm not, but I've been in church since I was 5 or 6 so I've got a good handle on the book.  Anyway, Isaiah, at least to me, is a difficult book at times.  I can't understand half the things they say because it's as much a historical book as it is a prayer and praise book.  But last night I understood almost everything we were talking about and in the study it referenced Psalms to enhance a passage in Isaiah.  I have heard part of it, but hearing the entire psalm made me fall in love with it even more.  Since I can't get it out of my head I thought I would share it for this post.  The passage is from the New King James Version by Thomas Nelson publishers, 1992.

Psalm 103

Bless the Lord, O my soul;

And all that is within me, bless

His holy name!

Bless the Lord, O my soul,

And forget not all His benefits:

Who forgives all your iniquities,

Who heals all your diseases,

Who redeems your life from destruction,

Who crowns you with lovingkindness and tender

mercies,

Who satisfies your mouth with good things,

So that your youth is renewed

like the eagle's.

The Lord executes righteousness

And justice for all who are oppressed.

He made known His ways to Moses,

His acts to the children of Israel.

The Lord is merciful and gracious,

Slow to anger, and abounding in mercy.

He will not always strive with us,

Nor will He keep His anger forever.

He has nto dealt with us according to our sins,

Nor punished us according to our iniquities.

For as the heaves are high above the earth.

So great is His mercy toward

those who fear Him;

As far as the east is from the west,

So far has He removed our transgressions from us.

As a father pities his children,

So the Lord pities those who fear Him.

Fore He knows our frame;

He remembers that we are dust.

As for man, his days are like grass;

As a flower of the field, so he flourishes.

For the wind passes over it, and it is gone,

And its place remembers it no more.

But the mercy of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting

On those who fear Him,

And his righteousness to children's children,

To such as keep His covenant,

And to those who remember His commandments to do them.

The Lord has established His throne in heaven,

And His kingdom rules over all.

Bless the Lord, you His angels,

Who excel in strength, who do His word,

Heeding the voice of His word.

Bless the Lord, all you His hosts,

You ministers of His, who do His pleasure.

Bless the Lord, all His works,

In all places of His dominion.

Bless the Lord, O my soul!

am I red?

Does anyone else get embarrassed over something that normally they wouldn't be, but because of the company they are with, do?  I do all of the time.  Then I feel dumb that I got embarrassed in the first place.


It happens a lot with my mom while watching a movie.  With her it's always the sex scenes or jokes. The cursing is fine, she's been known to be a foul mouth at times, but the aforementioned always get me.  I don't know why.  She's obviously had sex... only three times though.  I suppose though if she was really offended or uncomfortable she would get up and leave the room and I don't believe she ever has.  I can think of one instance where I was really embarrassed and that was at the beginning of the Ricky Gervais movie 'The Invention of Lying'.  Where he comes to Jennifer Garner's door for a date and she isn't ready yet... Oh my goodness!  Thankfully the movie got better and less embarrassing after that moment.

I don't get as embarrassed with my sister as I use to.  The only thing that I get anxious about is when it deals with gay issues.  Now let me first say that my sister has never changed her mind or opinion of me since I came out.  She might not understand it all, which she has said to me, but she doesn't think any less of me for it.  I know that she has made leaps and bounds with this issue and she's very sensitive when it comes up, whether that be in conversation with others or in the media.  But I still have that pang of worry.  It could be my own internal issue (see earlier post) and I'm slowly getting past that, but I worry.  I know my sister is not going to ever say anything to intentionally hurt me and probably would think it through before she even approached the subject.  I still get embarrassed though.  Especially when it's full on pda on tv or in a movie.  It's not something that is prevalent in this area and I don't think she, or anyone really, is desensitized to it yet.


Since moving in to my new digs that I share with an older couple, who happens to be the pastor of my church, it has been happening more frequently.  That's not to say they are prudes.  They watch tv/movies of all sorts and it's really hard to watch a show or movie without a single curse word unless you watch the Disney and Nickelodeon channels during the day.  I definitely don't watch all my shows live... Some are on the edge and I know they wouldn't want to watch them.

I tried to warn them the other night about this.  I am a Gleek and it was Tuesday night. I had already, earlier in the day, set the dvr to record the show.  Several times I said we didn't have to watch it and that we could watch something else.  We've watched an episode before, I can't remember which one, and it was just as risque as this last episode about sex education!  I kept thinking, 'they are gonna think horrible things about me because they've only seen the racy episodes!'


Pastor left about half way through the show.....   Ugh.

The levy was dry

I baked a pie today!!  A peach/blueberry pie.  It is so delicious, probably the best pie I've ever made.... seriously.

That's the real deal people.  It came out so perfect, I was even surprised.  I love baking and cooking things.  Yes, they are two separate things.  When it comes out as planned it's even better.  To me there is nothing like the smell of pie or cake or whatever is baking wafting through the entire house. You could smell this from one end of the house to the other, top to bottom. It smelled and tastes delicious! 

This is the 4th thing I've made since moving into my new home.  And that's what it is now, my home.  I had a sudden jolt earlier today when I was pouring something to drink: this is home.  I've been here about 2 weeks. The first week was definitely an adjustment and walking around on eggshells.  Last week was purgatory, but not in a bad way.  I no longer associate my house as my home.  I've been there a couple times since moving out and it still looks the same, but doesn't feel the same to me.  In the same since my current residence didn't feel strange to me, but it wasn't comfortable either.  

Now it's home.  I feel at ease here.  I don't have a particular rhythm or a set routine yet, but I'm not worried about getting in the way or feeling obliged to be in the same room as the other house occupants.  My sleeping habits are different however, I haven't slept in since the second day!  I'm up by 8 or 9 which is early for me.   And I still don't have a vehicle, but luckily I've been able to use one from here when I need it.  Which I'm actually ok with because I had peach/blueberry pie a la mode tonight.

Gremlins

Kittens.  They're cute and cuddly and sweet.  But I have a theory.  Now bare with me on this rabbit hole journey, people, because I think I have a good case.

I think Kittens are Gremlins...  Well, maybe more to the point: they are like Gremlins.  I've never been a huge cat person mainly because they are disgusting creatures, but I promise this bias has not factored into my thought process.

Here's my case:  Kittens are like Gremlins.  Why?  Well because they start out cute and morph into a spawn of demon.  It may not be due to eating after midnight like Gizmo, but it's true.  The species has evolved this survival technique over a millennium.  You make your young cute and cuddly so that the humans get a false sense of security and then once they hit adulthood, 'BAM'!!!  You hit them with the destructive, stinky, yowling mess that you are.  And every once in a while you hit them with a dose of cute again by rolling onto your back and swaying your head back and forth.

(in my defense someone else suggested I blog about kittens and this is what came of that so if you want their name to yell, just fb me, lol)

stigma-tism

I was asked the other day, by a 10 year old no less, if I was gay.  Actually it started out as, 'gay means happy and that you like the same gender, right?'  Once I explained that it can mean either then he asked.  I didn't know what to say at first. 

It's not that I have a problem being asked, but I wasn't prepared to be asked by a child.  lol.  It made me stop and consider when he first asked.  And I don't think it should have. I've always told myself that I would be honest with whoever asked and even more so with kids.  I hated when I was a child and asked a question, but was not given the correct answer.  Now I know it's not always the right time to tell the whole truth and I'm aware of the sensitivity of this subject.  So I didn't answer him. 

That's not to say I ignored him, because I think that would have done more damage than anything.  I dug a bit deeper.  I asked why he needed to know and if it would matter if I was or wasn't.  (mind you he's a smart butt most of the time and had just earlier in the day stated that Ellen DeGeneres was a lesbian and that was why she was famous, so I wanted to make sure he was actually serious about this)  Of course he had a smart answer about needing to know everything about a person before he lets them in his house.   That actually made me mad, but I was cool and collected and responded that his mother knew what she thought was important and let me in her house and thought I was ok enough to watch him and his brothers. 

And that was that.  But the whole experience made me think.  I'm not in the closet or ashamed of who I am, however when asked (which isn't too often) about my sexuality I always panic. Not because I'm afraid of how the person asking the question will respond when I say yes, but that its something that is a need to know item.  I sometimes find myself still thinking like a straight person and I always hate myself after the fact.  And I mean that as in the way I carry myself or dodge certain questions or even talk in certain situations.  I've always been pretty comfortable to be myself so in those instances where I'm not that is when I feel ashamed. 

I know this is probably confusing, but it's something that I'm always thinking about because it's right there under the surface.  Thankfully most of my family and friends don't care who I sleep with or am attracted too and I thank God for that because I know not all gay people have that.  And I don't think it should be a description of me. 

Birth control

I'm finding out I don't need actual contraceptives to not have children.  Well I knew that I didn't in my situation, but I found an alternative.  Watching other people's kids.  Now don't get me wrong I love kids.  I've always loved working in Children's Church or going as a sponsor with the teens or letting my friends' kids hang out at my house.  But I can only handle the aforementioned kids for a few hours. 

I guess I'm getting old because this use to not be my attitude.  I could stand to be around the little munchkins for days even rolling on the floor with them.  Now, not so much.  I get a headache real quick.  You would think this would just be contained to some of my friends' offspring, but in fact I feel the same way about my niece and nephew.  I love them to death, don't get me wrong, but they make me want to get a nerve pill.  I've been told by someone that just because those kids annoy me doesn't mean my own offspring will and she maybe right, but I'm not sure I wanna take that chance.

I go back and forth on having children in the future.  And by future I mean 5 or 10 years from now. I'm certainly not ready now for them and when I do have a child (because I've decided that is all I need is just one) I will want to do it with a partner and not by myself.  It's a lot of work raising a child and I can see that by being around so many parents. 

So I'll continue to hang around my parent friends so that they can keep me from jumping into that black hole called parenting before I'm fully ready.  Until then I'll just practice and perfect my discipline techniques.